I've not blogged in 3.5 weeks. I've been too busy, too stressed, too anxious!
The last 3+ months have been exhausting and draining and just straight up difficult.
My graduate program boards were in January and I spent December and January studying, but missed passing by two points on my written boards. My oral boards were shortly after, after which I was put in "on hold status." I spent February and March jumping through countless hoops and writing papers and re-attempting my oral board, only to learn in late March that my panel determined I would not be allowed to remain on track for graduation and instead would have to retake my boards during a different semester.
Suckerpunch.
Follow that with a bunch of negative, mean, hurtful text conversations with Magoo's father, in which some carefully aimed barbs that were intended to do maximum damage to my self-esteem.
Double suckerpunch.
I have done a lot of griping and complaining, both alone and to my ever so patient friends and family who have listened and supported and prayed for me throughout this entire time.
The love, support, and prayer has been felt though. I am thankful for my graduate program friends, my Bible study, work friends, family, and even new friendships that have just developed since this semester began.
I know that God has a plan for my life and everything happens for a reason. It is hard to let go and trust that, but with a little help, I've been letting go a little more and a little more, and trusting in His will and His plan.
I'm choosing to take a positive outlook on life, rather than getting caught up in the disappointments.
Today a book I ordered was delivered. It's a devotional that accompanies a book called One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp. I plan to read a devotional each day, focusing my thoughts on the gifts and blessings of each day, big or small, rather than focusing on dark obstacles that may seem at first glance to obscure the light.
In the past I have created my own lists of "one thousand gifts," but have never continued it long enough to truly make a habit out of looking for and appreciating the tiny shining moments in life.
I pray I will remember to put God first and trust in his will. I pray that I will be thick skinned for future hurtful conversations (of which there will undoubtably, and unfortunately, be more), and I pray that I will see the light and beauty and blessing in every moment, even in the moments that feel painfully dark.
Praise to the Lord above from whom all blessings flow.
I thank Him for everything and all that I have and am.
