How Many Kids Do YOU Have?

One of my coworkers at my current internship is the mother of seven children. We recently had a conversation about kids, parenting, and society, and she told me that 80% of the time, the response she receives from people who have just learned she has a family of nine is either negative or downright rude.

"Oh, I'm sorry!"

"You have how many kids?!"

"So you don't believe in birth control?"

I had fewer siblings, but still more than any of my friends growing up. There were five kids, which equaled a family of seven. I never knew the kinds of comments my parents received for having five kids, until I became a parent myself. Though my son is an only child, I had originally hoped for him to have two or three siblings. When I told my mother that I wanted for N to have a couple brothers or sisters, or both, she talked about her choice to have a "big" family, and that's when I learned the things that both friends and total strangers said to my parents.

"You have how many kids?!"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Do you know how that works?"

Here's the deal, people. While I'm the first one to admit that 19 Kids and Counting freaks me out (when parents start assigning parental roles to other children due to sheer numbers overwhelming them, such as requiring siblings to pay other siblings to "chaperone" dates, that's just too much), who are we to judge? 

I have one child. I'm a single parent now so I'm not in a good situation to start adding new children to my family. Is it right for families with 2+ children to start judging me because I only have one child? They may think my son will grow up to be super spoiled (it's very possible - he's the only grandchild or niece/nephew on my side of the family, plus I see myself going overboard sometimes because I don't want him to miss out on anything that kids in two parent home may have, although I've been actively trying to reel myself in a bit), and that their children will be better balanced since they will have siblings to have to learn to live with. That may be true. But they aren't in my situation.

Should I judge them for having more kids? Because the greater amount of kids in their families means it's impossible for each child to have the amount of love, care, attention, and protection necessary for them to grow to become well balanced adults, right? Parents of four or more kids can't be adequate parents to all of their kids. No way.

Or maybe having big families is healing. Who am I to judge anyone for making those choices in their lives? 

Everyone should be allowed to make their own choices in their lives, whichever ones are the best decisions for them. If a person believes they are in a good position to have a family (and I don't just mean a good financial position, I mean if they feel they can do it, and they know they will do what it takes to be good parents), why shouldn't they choose to have a kid, or five, or seven?

Think about what's best for you, for your partner, for your existing child/children, and what's best for any future child/children, and make the right decision after considering all the factors. For that matter, don't have kids if you believe it's not the right decision for yourself. 

Point is, don't judge others for their choices, and don't let others do the same to you.

Just do what you believe is best for you and your family.